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Sep 7, 20222 min read

Remembering and Honoring the day of their death.

As I have made it the 2 year mark I must confess it's been harder than the first year.

A lot of of my firends and family who have lost loved ones reminded me that year 2 is harder than year 1 and I remenbered saying to my self in my mind: "I doubt it. Nothing can be harder than the first." I realized I was wrong and here is why I say this.


The first year is still so fresh and our cognitive functions are still wired in a "fight or flight" mode for most of the time. That when year 2 comes along you start remembering where you were physically and emotionally during that time and the year before. This is totally normal and a part of the grieving journey, trauma and sudden loss.


From my research and experience throughout those 2 years I have found that there's really no rule on how you honor your lost loved one.

 

I suggest you to try this exercise:

  • sit down on a confortable position

  • place your hands over your heart

  • close your eyes

  • Take 3 deep breaths

  • Now focus on what would make you happy when thinking of honoring your loved one.

 

Here are a few suggestions of what you can do, remember there's no right or wrong.

  • You can visit their favorite spot.

  • Eat or cook their favorite meal.

  • Gather with friends and talk for hours about how amazing that human was for you all.

  • Making a donation on their honor to a non-profit they would have loved.

  • Sitting in total solutitde if that sounds peaceful. (I did that this year, and it was so profund for me). Since I am a single mother, I only spoke to her. And my immediate family/friends only through text.

  • Go do something nice for yourself. We wids have a hard time adjusting to that. I secretly wanted to go away byself this year to a cute airbnb somewhere and just journal. Perhaps in the near future.


I hope you find this helpful and please share with your loved ones too.


We are not alone!

With love,

Manoela







Aug 8, 20222 min read

3 books that will HELP YOU in early grief | Sudden Loss & Post Traumatic Growth

When you are faced with sudden loss, your entire self goes into shock. That's when grief meets you face to face.

When you're grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones dance around in your head. There can be a disruption in hormones that results in specific symptoms, such as disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety. When those symptoms converge, your brain function takes a hit.


Reading seems impossible. And that's OK!

These 3 books were my first reads and I recommend you to listen to them first, if reading seems too much.

They are all written by sudden loss survivors, all of them lost their spouse suddenly like us. A A true, honest and insightful perspective from the pain into purpose.

The reason I say this is because they were a part of my inspiration to create our community and to be of service to so many more sudden loss survivors to come.

 



This book was and still is like a bible to me. I still refer to it often and it has really helped me understand grief from a perspective of: YOU ARE NOT CRAZY for feeliong this way.

This was the first book I was able to pick up to read on early grief, when I was in the beggining stages of "trying" to start to understand what has happened.

This is not a one sitting reading. It can feel overwhelming to even try to think of reading it all at once.

The author of this book is a therapist and a sudden loss survivor/widow as well. Her insights and perspective are a true light on how the people "AROUND" us behave and how to navigate this hard, unbearable reality.

 


This is the first book where I learned about Post Traumatic Growth.

Sheryl and Adam's take on this book is focused on the PTG "Post Traumatic Growth". Her story is pretty remarkable and inspiring.

She looses her husband while in a vacation, her share is raw, real and honest.

I caught myself thinking, WOW that's a strong woman. For those who don't know who she is, she's today the COO of Facebook. A true traiblaizer and leader in women empowrement.

 


This one will hit you in the heart. It was almost a relief to me the first time I read it.

This one I recommend you reading it and listening to as well. It's a more wholesome experience to it. The author writes his fellings as raw and real as it feels to him.

I may also add that we widow/ers will understand every single word as our own. It's a masterpiece and a true statement of the unspoken pain that we feel.


 

Thank you for reading and visiting our blog, we share inspiring stories to help you through this unthinkable reality of losing a loved one so suddenly.


I invite you to join our free, safe, and sacred community. You are not Alone!




With love,

Manoela

Jul 1, 20221 min read

Radical Hope

Updated: Jul 20, 2022

It was a hot summer day in Denver, CO. A dear friend and I were out for a morning walk and we stumbled into the most beautiful poem. Hand painted on two sheets of plywood.


Radical Hope


“But all the fighting in the world will not help us if we do not also hope.

What i'm trying to cultivate is not blind optimism or inane positivity but what the philosopher Jonathan Lear calls radical hope.

"What makes this hope radical," Lear writes, "is that it is directed toward a future goodness that transcends the current ability to understand what it is."

Radical hope is not so much something you have but something you practice; it demands flexibility, openness, and what Lear describes as "imaginative excellence."

Radical hope is our best weapon against despair, even when despair seems justifiable; it makes the survival of the end of your world possible.

Only radical hope could have imagined people like us into existence.

And I believe that it will help us create a better, more loving future.”






With love,







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